Bickering With Loved Ones? Posting Nasty Comments On Social Media? What's Really Fueling Your Tempestuous Relationships.
Lately, do you find yourself getting triggered and lashing out at people?
Maybe at home, you find yourself picking fights with your partner or your kids.
Or you're feeling contempt for your co-workers, clients, or boss because they just don't get it.
If you're someone who enjoys using social media, maybe you've noticed that people make a lot of rude, nasty, attacking comments...things they'd never say to someone in person.
Unless you've been living in a monastery for the last year, you probably know what I'm talking about.
And maybe, secretly, you're one of those people making those nasty comments.
If so, your excuse may be that the things you read online seem to trigger an irritation deep inside you that you really can't explain.
Stuck In A Bad Mood?
Does it sometimes feel as though everything is going wrong in your life? Is your partner too lazy, your kids too bratty, your work life too stressful? Maybe you're just not feeling like yourself these days.
This may surprise you: it's likely that you wouldn't feel much better if your partner pitched in a little more, if your kids were better behaved, or if you had another job. That's because the cause of your mood is probably something else - something critical you haven't even considered. Good news, though: In my program, The 10-Second Miracle, I'll help you get to the core of what's keeping you stuck in irritability and show you how to restore the flow of good feeling in less than 10 seconds.
Suddenly it's as if the whole world has gone a little batty, and you feel like the only reasonable person around.
Are you feeling a little bit of this battiness lately?
If so, there's something I'd like you to consider.
Maybe it's not that the world has suddenly gone crazy.
Maybe... your outrage at everyone else is a reflection of something you're really hiding from yourself.
Maybe there's an aspect of you that you're refusing to see, a part that's yearning to be loved, accepted, and acknowledged.
How do I know this?
I've seen this phenomenon play out in thousands of people I've worked with over the course of my career, and time and again, I can predict what's behind it.
I also know about this because it happened to me personally.
My Personal Story Of Anger And Projection
I'd like to tell you a story about a relationship I had with a woman many, many years ago - way before I met Katie.
I can say without hesitation that my relationship with this person was the most painful of my life. It was stormy from the beginning. We fought constantly, and we were still fighting about the very same things the week we split up that we fought about the first week we met.
But the relationship was far from over when we quit being lovers. In fact, the worst was yet to come.
That's because, for some reason, we felt compelled to call each other up and antagonize each other pretty much twice a month for years after we split up. It was so bizarre I can hardly believe it now when I look back on it. It was such a painful situation with so little positive payoff.
However, I discovered a psychological dynamic at work that I didn't recognize until much later - a dynamic that kept us both locked in combat even when there was no physical contact between us.
The dynamic was projection. I projected my anger entirely onto her.
Projection is what happens when you subconsciously attribute your own emotions to someone else - much like projecting a film onto a screen. The emotions are within you (the film reel), but it looks like it's coming from the other person. This typically happens when you feel something that would be too painful for you to see in yourself, such as anger. This is what was happening with me.
I would tell people what an angry person she was and how I'd suffered because of her anger. It was really easy to get away with this projection because practically everyone agreed with me and I got huge amounts of support for being the victim of her anger.
Meanwhile, I was disowning my own anger completely.
I had been carrying that anger around since I was a child, angry that my father died before I was born and angry at my mother for being too busy to really be there for me, even though it wasn't her fault.
Perhaps I subconsciously didn't want to own up to my own feelings of anger, so I had projected it out into the world. I saw my partner as an angry person even though I was the one secretly consumed by anger.
This was a pivotal moment for me. Once I was able to see this, I could take the steps necessary to fully acknowledge and accept my anger - actually love it. From that moment on, our relationship changed completely. Although I never even illuminated her about my revelation, her calls became less frequent, and when we did talk, we were uniformly pleasant.
It was an amazing transformation.
The lesson I learned in that troubled relationship has now paid off handsomely with many decades of a blessedly conflict-free marriage to Katie.
And that lesson is that when I'm feeling a vague sense of irritation and anger, or when I'm seeing anger all around me, I must first and foremost get back to loving myself.
Which leads me back to you.
What Is Really Fueling Your Outrage?
Take stock of all that vague sense of irritation and outrage about the world, or about those closest to you.
Do you know what's really fueling that? What's really behind it?
Could it be something that you're not loving or accepting about yourself?
What will it take for you to finally experience a sense of inner peace?
I can tell you what probably won't help.
It won't help to list all the reasons WHY you should be angry. (Let's face it, you'll always find "reasons" to be angry or outraged. There is no shortage of injustice in this world.)
It won't help to analyze who, in your past, is responsible for the state of your life today.
It won't help to blame someone or something for doing the things that make you angry.
While all of those tactics may be informative, they won't really solve anything or bring you that state of bliss and harmony you're really seeking.
The only thing that will get you there is learning to love yourself.
The Key To Less Anger And More Ease And Flow
When you don't love yourself, the whole world feels as if it's against you. It's easy to blame others for all that's gone wrong with your life. It's easy to write nasty comments directed at strangers online because for a short while, you feel justified and vindicated.
It's easy to lash out with self-righteous indignation when you don't love yourself.
It's easy because you're unconsciously afraid of the "bad" feelings inside you, and you'd rather project them out "there," where they feel manageable.
Here's the magical thing that happens when you learn how to love ALL parts of yourself, including your anger.
You experience life in a whole new light. The fog of anger and outrage lifts.
You unlock vast stores of creativity within yourself, so instead of being mired in "problems" you suddenly begin to be flush with ideas and solutions.
You'll feel calmer and lighter, and therefore be less swayed by people's opinions of you or anything else. You'll be confident in who you are and what you believe, so you're not so easily triggered.
And because you aren't easily triggered, you'll be more apt to extend kindness toward strangers and loved ones, because you'll feel in harmony with yourself and with life.
These are just a few of the many positive things that can happen when you learn to love yourself.
Change This One Thing, Change Everything
When you learn how to love ALL parts of yourself, including your emotions, your relationships, and your body, you can change everything about your life.
This includes attracting more love and kindness on a daily basis, because you yourself will feel generous with your good intentions.
If you would like to talk to me about this
any other matter remember the first 30 minutes are free,